Carping Allegedly - October 21

YOUR MOTHER DRESS YA?

I admire many of the new breed of mega-efficient carp tigers enormously. Their angling prowess and carp-catching skills are undeniable, and in the vast majority of cases, they know how to behave and conduct themselves superbly well. They have an uncanny ability to keep themselves—and their quiffs—preened immaculately, to within an inch of their lives, irrespective of climatic conditions or how long they have been on the bank. The fact that they have also mastered the art of slipping so quickly and so effortlessly into their chesties, and donning the yellow braces, all in the dark whilst simultaneously hanging onto a fast-moving scaly banger, is also nothing short of awe-inspiring. But some do seemingly have problems dressing themselves…

I have never particularly classed myself as a piscatorial fashionista or dedicated follower of carpy clothing trends. I was, though, brought up with reasonably good fashion sense, and was taught from a very early age that my right shoe goes on my right foot, and that my left shoe goes on my left foot. I also came to terms quite early on with the fly of my trousers and the belt buckle, in that both go at the front of my pants, and that generally speaking, shirts button up at the front.

I am not, and never have been, a prolific hat wearer. I do own a few bandanas—as any carp angler worth his salt should—but generally speaking, me and more traditional forms of headwear have never really seen eye to eye. I do also don the occasional woolly number, especially when the temperatures drop and the old listeners get a bit on the chilly side. I recently added to the woolly hat collection by investing in a monstrous bobble hat courtesy of Stevie Duggan, and in doing so, made myself a proud member of Team Tong.

Iain MacMillan’s passing is nothing short of devastating, and my thoughts and deepest sympathies go out to those close to him, and of course, his family. I never had the opportunity to fish with Ting Tong, but I knew him reasonably well and certainly classed him as a friend. I spoke to him from time to time about a couple of waters we were both lucky enough to fish, and always found him sickeningly pleasant. Without question, he was one of the nicest people I have come across in carp angling. There was no edge to him at all. He was always helpful, funny and incredibly entertaining. I never heard him say a bad word about anybody, or anybody say a bad word about him!

The carp scene will miss Iain hugely, and the enormity of the fund raising that is destined for the Douglas MacMillan Hospice in Stoke-on-Trent is testimony to just what the angling world thought about him… RIP Iain; you will be forever missed. 

BASEBALL CAPS

Mysteriously, I have also amassed a reasonable array of carpy-branded baseball caps and snapbacks over the years; indeed the carp cave is home to a shelf that displays them rather nicely, but I never wear them—amazing really! But whilst I don’t wear them, I am confident that I would know how to if I had a change of heart. Yet a huge proportion of the youthful carp-fishing fraternity seemingly have them welded to their heads, have to have them tyre-levered off, and seem to struggle to know which way round they are supposed to go!

Baseball caps of sorts, can be traced back to the 1860s, after which time they rapidly became a permanent fixture on the bonces of—surprise, surprise!—baseball players. Their purpose was to keep the sun out of the cap wearer’s eyes, and not to protect the back of your neck from the heat from the star that is, in reality, little more than a virtually perfectly formed sphere of hot plasma at the centre of the Solar System.

If I were to run my own water, in common with the unnecessary use of pods and Zig Rigs, excessive ‘bleepage’ from buzzers when nothing is hung on the end, and three-rod set-ups with three different coloured bobbins; baseball caps worn back to front would result in an instant lifetime ban for the offender!

Apparently, wearing caps backwards is a trend started by Ken Griffey Jr, who was a rather good baseball player in the 1990s and 2000s. It has since been popularised by rap singers, US college students and the occasional tennis player, but be warned… it isn’t remotely carpy!

And don’t get me started on who I can only assume are followers of Dappy and his fellow members of N-Dubz, who wear their caps in a rather precariously balanced sideways fashion—gimme strength!

How about all that then? Advice on how to look dapper on the bank and a brief history of baseball cap wearing all rolled into one. I have told you before, every day is school day when you find yourself desperate enough to want to read all this shite!

PODCASTS

At the time of keying this month’s ‘Carping Allegedly’ nonsense, I have rather frustratingly had to cancel five overseas trips since this COVID stuff changed the world. Good job really, though, for had I been away for that amount of time over the last twenty months or so, I wouldn’t possibly have had enough time to listen to all the podcasts currently floating around the carp world.

I have to be honest, and tell you that I thought the original idea of these podcasts was to keep us all royally entertained during lockdown, and I had surmised that the companies concerned would be winding them down a little by now, but I couldn’t have been more wrong. I am happy to say that the podcasts continue to come thick and fast, and I for one, really enjoy the vast majority of them!

I haven’t listened to them all, of course, but of those I have, I particularly enjoyed Oz Holness, Jerry Hammond, John Baker and the mine of information that is Simon Scott on those hosted by Korda; Jeremy Wade and Adam Penning who featured on the Nash Off the Hook series; and Pete Springate’s ‘Wraysbury Giants’ on Gardner’s, hosted by someone many rate as the sexiest man in angling, Gardner Tackle’s very own James Clarke!

Long may the podcasts continue. If nothing else, they certainly go to show how radically different anglers’ approaches are from one to another, and that there is certainly more than one way to catch a carp.

For my own part, I have been asked to do four podcasts, and have a couple more pencilled in for the months ahead. I have enjoyed them all, but my only slight concern is that I do find myself being asked very similar questions, and as a consequence, find myself repeating myself a little!

CROC FLOPS GET CARPY

Those of you who, like me, have a bit of surfer dude in them (ooh err missus!), might be interested to hear that Crocs have recently launched some rather sexy, and undeniably carpy, camo flip flops. I have to say they had ‘me’ written all over them, and immediately became permanent fixtures on my plates of meat. Remember, flip flops are the new chesties, and are much less hassle to slip into!

DRONES AND MATTERS ARISING

Some of the photographs obtained by drone-mounted cameras these days are terrific. They give us a whole new perspective of the lakes we all love so much, showing weedbeds, bars and changes of depth that the less meticulous amongst us were previously unaware of, and in some cases, the area where the carp hang out.

I do not own a drone, nor have I any intention of acquiring one. I have more than enough kit that requires charging, without adding to the paraphernalia I carry around Europe with me. I also have no doubt that should I be left in control of one, I would end up accidentally entering Croatian air space, causing an outbreak of hostilities in the Balkans as a consequence.

It will probably not surprise you to hear that I do have some issues with drones, though. As I have already mentioned, I love the images, but as drone-cam prices drop and owning one becomes more viable for the man in the street, more individuals will start using them on a day-to-day basis for locating fish. I am not against technology by any stretch of the imagination, but surely this is a step too far. My personal solution, therefore, will be to seek financial backing from one of the tackle giants to develop a miniature heat-seeking rocket launcher that can sit outside the bivvy door in readiness for when the next fish-spotting drone takes to the skies. Now that would be an entertaining way to pass the blank hours between takes!