Top Ten Day-Ticket Crimes!
Trouble is brewing in day-ticket land!
Trouble is brewing in day-ticket land! Noddy-like behaviour in contravention of the UK Carping Law is causing consternation in the carp fishing community. Local authorities have been alerted, and the tough on crime, tough on the causes of crime Carping Police have launched a nationwide crackdown! Anyone guilty of the following offences must face the consequences. You have been warned!
1. Camping
Don’t use the bivvy and bedchair for a day session. I know that bringing all your gear, spending an hour setting it up, and then lying down to watch your favourite YouTube channel on how to be a better carper is considered the essence of a successful modern session. But I can’t emphasise enough that day-ticket carping is all about keeping mobile, having eyes on the water, utilising watercraft, and making things happen. Leave your bivvy and bedchair in the car, and travel light. Today you are not boring one out, today you are carping, not camping, Colin!
PUNISHMENT: A two-lap streak of the lake. Now that’s what I call travelling light!
2. Turning up late
Don’t swan in an hour after the gates open. This half-arsed slacker attitude instantly marks you out as a noddy! Show some self-respect, get there early, beat the queue and grab the best swim. Day-ticket carp are used to the onslaught at opening time, but there’s often an early-doors chance to be had. Get out of bed, you part-timer!
PUNISHMENT: Play your next fish lying on your bed sleepy head!
3. Not locating the fish
And having finally arrived don’t fall out of your car into the nearest swim. This particularly pathetic brand of slacker seems to be under the impression that all swims are equal in day-ticket land. NOT TRUE! Yes, the lake may be heavily stocked compared to your syndicate, but the fish are pressured, and effort still equals reward. Spend time locating them when you arrive, and be prepared to move. Keep on your toes, Kevin!
PUNISHMENT: Backwards pub chucks only, for a month!
4. Ignoring the margins
I have lost count of the times anglers turn up and immediately launch their rigs to the centre of the pond. By all means, bear it in mind, particularly if there are signs out there, but don’t forget that old carping commandment: The margins are the best feature on any lake! Have a walk round, and drop bait in likely-looking spots. Go back and check them regularly. Often it will produce a bonus fish on even the toughest of days. Break out the corn and practice your underarm casts, Chris!
PUNISHMENT: No overhead casting until November!
“Don’t hammer in your rod rests, jump about, shout to your mate across the lake, crash a marker float around, then sit back and listen to Kerrang Radio.”
5. Noise
And leave your mallet at home! Way back in 1653, the godfather of angling Izaak Walton laid it down that we should study to be quiet. These carp may be hungry, but they are also wary, easily spooked, and on the lookout for the next booby-trapped boilie. Don’t hammer in your rod rests, jump about, shout to your mate across the lake, crash a marker float around, then sit back and listen to Kerrang Radio. It may be a muddy puddle, but imagine yourself creeping around Redmire in 1972, stalking the finest carp in the land. On busy, noisy lakes, the carp retreat to quiet corners, so do yourself a favour and keep it down, Darren!
PUNISHMENT: Banned from social media for six months!
6. White T-shirts
While I’m getting things off my chest, can I just say that in my book visual noise is nearly as bad as an all-day sonic symphony? I’m not saying we all have to dress up as if we’re heading into Ukraine for a dust-up with Vladimir, but do yourself, and me, a favour and save your best Persil white T-shirt for the pub, Pete!
PUNISHMENT: Wear a pink tutu to the carp show of your choice!
7. Filling it in
In recent years there has been a pernicious proliferation of spod merchants on my local day-ticket venues. These jokers arrive with multiple buckets of munga, and having brought it, they are damned well going to use it. Fifty spods later, they collapse into their bivvy, exhausted and content that they could do no more, all their bait is on the dance floor—they have well a truly filled it in! Yes, on rare occasions, when they’re having it, this can work, but most of the time you’re buggering your session before it’s begun, Barry!
PUNISHMENT: Fish singles for a year!
“Cranking up your lines to a high C, so they wail like banshees on the wind, is another callous carping crime.”
8. Filling it in part 2!
It’s a slow day, you’re struggling, what do you do? Reach for the boilie bag and put out more on the spot? WRONG! By all means, freshen up the swim with a bit of crumb and liquid, but another hundred boilies is rarely the right move! Get a grip, Gary!
PUNISHMENT: Eat a tub of Scent from Hell pop-ups!
9. Bowstrings
Cranking up your lines to a high C, so they wail like banshees on the wind, is another callous carping crime. Do not enter the perennially popular How tight can I get my lines? competition. This is a sure-fire strategy for a Blanker of the Day badge. Kneel down facing the direction of Redmire, bow your head, hold your hands in prayer and repeat the mantra: bowstrings are for bankers!
PUNISHMENT: Take a tense tightrope walk across the lake!
10. Going home early
And finally: it’s the last hour of the day, bite time, but all-around people are packing up, bemoaning another day when they weren’t having it. Noooo, don’t do it, Damon, don’t disappear before the last dance. Always stay, milk it to the last second, leave the rods on the ground while you pack away. Last-gasp bites are lush, Lee!
PUNISHMENT: Sent to bed without any Speckled Hen!
